You’ve heard the hullabaloo about picking a word for the year. A port in the storm, an anchor for when we go off course, a reminder of all that we held hope for at the start of the new year. Like a phoenix from the ashes, we rise.
Last year, I had two words: present and intentional. It kinda worked. I was more present with my family and more intentional with my time, words, and prayer. I found myself tossed around more than I had been in the past, not by depression or turmoil or pain (as before), but by the power struggle of those around me. A spirit of confusion. The Holy Spirit, my precious Holy Spirit who knows and leads, told me to be still and watch. To weigh the intentions to the actions. To judge according to the methods and whether or not they were true to scripture. To evaluate who I saw as my leadership and mentors because all was not as it seemed. To see what was happening, listen to what He was revealing, and by all that is good, stay. Don’t react, just watch. And just in case I was getting tired of watching and waiting, He had a very close friend of mine call me a few days before Christmas, with a word: LOOK.
In this period of obedience and observation, it was revealed to me the power of a spirit of confusion when allowed free reign. As I watched mightily gifted and anointed people were led astray, swayed by a lust for recognition and rank. There was a massive presence of the idea that earthly rank is the equivalent of spiritual rank and that it trumped discernment and the will of God. I had been protected from that road, removed from the frenzy of “authority” and “followers.” I was rescued from the false security of political correctness and pandering. I was allowed to see that the illusion of pack protection is no security at all.
In all of this, I was obedient, but I was not faithful. My loss of faith in people led me to step away from my devotions, my community of like believers, my prayer, and my worship. I had fallen into the same trap I preached against: expecting fruits from people that can only be truly given by the Holy Spirit. Ground was being lost because my habits backpedaled from God at the same time as they retreated from ties to people who had left Him already. I allowed His lack of respect from those people become a lack of His presence in me. Irony, I believe that is called.
I reflected on all of this as New Year’s Day approached and prayed for God to reveal His plans for me this year. I didn’t actually ask for a word, but He gave me one anyway: steadfast. The great battle cry of prayer warriors all over the world: “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:58
A little background is in order, I believe. The yearning of the inner child of all of us, we unknowingly seek to comfort and soothe. In my case, it was a cry for consistency, importance, being worthy of someone “showing up” for me, being seen, and cared for. I sought security for my own heart and protection, stopping myself from being vulnerable or criticized, which meant that I did not practice consistency, see myself as important, did not show up or follow through, allow myself to be seen, and questioned the motive of those who expressed any kind of care for me. That old boil of “not enough” kept me from putting myself out there (my purpose and calling is to teach and help others achieve spiritual healing), from consistently leaning into God because I was all of those negative things above and surely He was not okay with that, allowed myself to be uprooted from my place in Him by “evidence” that I may have my purpose wrong or not do it well enough, magnifying even the smallest failure as proof that nothing works out for me. I have heard too many women repeat these exact same things and walk out these exact patterns to deny their reality, their effectiveness, and their danger. I am telling you now: You are capable, you were chosen for a reason, God is not angry with you, and He knows exactly what you are up against. Maybe, just maybe (sarcasm) we are shooting ourselves in the foot before the devil even has to lift a finger!
I’m going to tell you something: I’ve read Revelations over and over and God never even has to get off of His throne to win. He is unmoveable. He is unmoveable, so that we can be too. To be steadfast is to be unmoveable, just as He is: no doubts, no fear, no attack shall move us from our Holy appointment because it is braced by Him. That appointment is a station (stationary) given to us in our spiritual rank, not affected by earthly circumstances. That doesn’t mean that we don’t move and go, moving in tune with the Holy Spirit’s urging. It means that the dance of purpose is led by Our Father, our missteps gracefully covered by Jesus, His right hand steering us to safety, the whirling of music carefully orchestrated by His plan. It means we are lovingly guided around others in the dance, safe from interference, submitting to the one with the best view and knowledge of the steps to come. All we have to do is hold fast and follow, and in that, we must be steadfast.